Getting them to comply:
All children would rather continue doing something than stop just because their parents want them to. It is true that children with ADHD often present a challenge to their parents by refusing to comply with their requests. This is because they battle to control what they think, say and feel. The following points illustrate how this affects their response to the way we approach them.
1 Avoiding triggers : ADHD meltdowns are generally triggered. Lack of sleep, hunger and physical inactivity reduce their threshold for blowing up as does unfairness, being overwhelmed or anything that might make them feel less about themselves. Remember these when navigating your parenting.
2 Getting their attention : Before addressing your child, be sure you have their attention as this is often elsewhere. Stand in front of them and ask them to look at you before you start.
3 Prioritising what you are saying : Children with ADHD are experiencing everything all the time so saying ” This is the first time I am telling you” helps prioritise what you are saying and that it's time to take note.
4 Remembering what needs to be done : Children with ADHD can’t remember the things they need to do or when they need to do them. Use weekly calendars to remind them what days they have PE , sport, ballet etc as well as lists next to each item reminding them what they need. eg PE on a Tuesday they need a swimming cap, goggles, costume and towel. The night before, ask them to look at the calendar and pack what they need. This helps foster independence and reduces the reminding which comes across as nagging.
5 Hyper focussing : Children with ADHD will often be so engrossed in what they are doing that it is very difficult for them to stop so be sure they really need to do what it is you want them to do before you even start. Give them time to unfocus when expecting them to do something and make sure it’s worth it !
6 Hypersensitive : Children with ADHD are often very sensitive to sound and negative emotion so screaming at them is likely to trigger an exaggerated emotional response and because they are unable to regulate their reactions will often lash out if upset. Reducing the volume of your voice is an effective way to keep the tone calm.
7 Motivated in the now : Children with ADHD are motivated by what is happening now so warning to give them an immediate consequence for their action like a reward or demerit will motivate them to listen to you.
8 Allowing them to self-regulate : Children with ADHD battle to regulate what they feel, think or do and so often react impulsively. By giving them the opportunity to choose to listen to you and not get punished empowers them and has a better long-term effect than just punishing them. Treating your child with more respect using clearer boundaries while understanding their lack of self-control and poor perception of time will help you parent without losing sight of how great they are.
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